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Jimmy Kimmel Declares That Earth Is Going Out of Business

October 10,2018 15:21

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After hearing about a foreboding report from United Nations climate scientists, Jimmy Kimmel ran a mock going-out-of-business ad for the entire planet.CreditCreditABC
Oct. 10, 2018

Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. If you’re interested in hearing from The Times regularly about great TV, sign up for our Watching newsletter and get recommendations straight to your inbox.
After hearing about the dire report that United Nations climate scientists released on Monday, Jimmy Kimmel said that the world looked like it was almost ready to close up shop.
Ever the absurdist, he cued up a wacky going-out-of-business ad for all of Earth. “One planet’s calamity is another planet’s shop-portunity,” Kimmel said.

Then the ad’s caffeinated announcer took over. “Attention, galaxy: Planet Earth is going out of business!” he said. “We’ve lost our minds, and everything — must — go! Insane deals on everything on Earth.”

Trevor Noah, too, ruefully made light of the United Nations report, which said the most drastic effects of climate change could become irreversible within the next 12 years.

“You know the crazy people you see in the streets shouting that the world is ending? Turns out, they’re all actually climate scientists.” — TREVOR NOAH

Every few weeks, it seems, Kanye West’s budding friendship with President Trump becomes the toast of late-night TV again.
When reports emerged that Trump and West planned to have lunch together at the White House on Thursday, the hosts pounced on it. They wondered if the two would be discussing their mutual love-hate relationship with Twitter.

“It just came out that President Trump is going to meet with Kanye West at the White House on Thursday. And this is interesting: They both think they’re going to a Twitter intervention for the other person.” — JIMMY FALLON
“The topics at the lunch are said to include prison reform, gang violence and how good it feels to unload like a maniac on Twitter.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Yes, the right has a new favorite rapper. So step aside, nobody! Yeah, that’s a slot that’s never been filled before.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Nikki Haley, Trump’s ambassador to the United Nations, surprised everyone today by resigning. She plans to leave the White House by the end of the year. She said she wants to spend more time away from Trump’s family.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I read about a female college student who made an ‘exit survey’ to send to guys who ghosted her, to find out why. Every single guy answered the survey by saying: ‘This is why, Karen. Because you do stuff like this.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“The newest member of a conservative majority on the Supreme Court just got a lifetime appointment. But there is a bright side: If that climate change report is right, a lifetime appointment might be shorter than we think.” — TREVOR NOAH

John Cena used Jimmy Fallon as a guinea pig to show off the newest “deadly” addition to his wrestling repertoire.

Watch till the end to find out that the guys in Nickelback know how to take a joke. Not surprising, as they’re the subject of so many.

Jamie Lee Curtis, who was in the original “Halloween” 40 years ago, is starring in the new sequel, which is now in theaters. She will sit down with Kimmel on Wednesday.

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“Burnt Sugar Is So Bitter,” which Elvis Costello and Carole King wrote in the 1990s, is being released on Costello’s new album, “Look Now.”CreditErik Tanner for The New York Times

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