Winter officially ends tomorrow -- not soon enough for our Contributor Jim Gaffigan: Winter is still here. Can you believe it? Like death, taxes and kale, it may ...and more »
March 19, 2017, 11:22 AM
Winter officially ends tomorrow -- not soon enough for our Contributor Jim Gaffigan:Â Winter is still here. Can you believe it? Like death, taxes and kale, it may never go away.â€˜Tis the season for misery masquerading as fun, according to the comedian and â€œSunday Morningâ€ contributor.
This week the Northeast was hit with a Norâ€™easter, which is like Easter but instead of eggs and candy, you get snow and your screaming children kept home from school. Itâ€™s harder to deal with a snowstorm in March. Snow and cold are interesting for about a week in December, then winter turns into the dead poinsettia that sits around your house making you depressed.Â On Wednesday I was invited to go cross-country skiing.Â I live in New York City!Â I canâ€™t even believe cross-country skiing is even a sport.Â â€œHey, you know how in downhill skiing there is that awkward part of getting over to the lift? Well, what if we just did that?â€Cross-country skiing seems like a sport that someone came up with after they bought skis and discovered they lived nowhere near a mountain. â€œWell, that doesnâ€™t matter. We donâ€™t need a mountain. We can ski ...Â cross country!â€Most winter sports seem like some last-ditch effort youâ€™d employ to escape the Abominable Snowman.â€œLook, the only way we are going to get out of here is if we cross-country ski.â€â€œReally?â€â€œThat or snowshoe.â€â€œWhat are we gonna we eat?â€â€œUnfortunately weâ€™re going have to ice fish.â€â€œI donâ€™t know.Â How are going to get down that mountain?â€â€œWeâ€™re going to have to sled down on a toboggan, or a luge thing.â€â€œCouldnâ€™t we just get a group of dogs to pull us?â€People that enjoy winter in general seem mentally unstable: â€œI just enjoy going outside when itâ€™s freezing and doing things nobody would want to do.â€If you were caught doing some of these winter activities youâ€™d be sent to an insane asylum.â€œLook you need help. I saw you walking through the woods with tennis rackets tied to your feet. And yesterday we saw you sweeping a frozen lake. Just get some help!â€Â Winter is the worst. No wonder we drink so much on St. Patrickâ€™s Day. We deserve it!Â Â Â Â More from Jim Gaffigan:Â Â Â Â For more info:Â jimgaffigan.comÂ |Â Tour dates
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