Number Swipe! So many numbers! Quickly, swipe the number this way to make another number! Whoa! A bigger number! Better tap that one right away to make sure you don't lose the big number and go back to a small number. This is an educational game.
So many numbers! Quickly, swipe the number this way to make another number! Whoa! A bigger number! Better tap that one right away to make sure you don’t lose the big number and go back to a small number. This is an educational game.
Farmer Who Has Lost a Cow
In this game, you will learn the riveting ups and downs of agricultural life by walking a mile in the boots of Angus Fielder, a farmer who has lost a cow. Every time you pass a cow, you can ask it if it has seen the lost cow. Unfortunately, in response, the cows only moo. Even though you figure out pretty quickly that there’s no benefit to be gained from asking the cows questions, the game still forces you to listen to the mooing of the cows, because, in real life, cows moo whether you want them to or not. At the end of the game, you locate what you think is the missing cow, but it costs $39.99 to find out for sure. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that it is not worth $39.99 to find out for sure.
Screaming Man in Different Hats
This app’s icon features a man screaming, and that’s pretty much all you need to know. It’s unclear why he’s screaming and if he’s screaming at you, or just for fun. His hat changes a lot. Maybe he doesn’t like that?
This app lets you experience what it’s like to run your own small business by placing you behind the counter at a small salon. The goal of the game is to grow your salon from a single storefront to a vast beauty empire. This would be lots of fun—assuming that simulating the soul-killing drudgery of participating in late-stage capitalism without reaping any of its benefits is your idea of entertainment—but, sadly, the first customer who walks into your salon is a man who wants you to shave his armpits. This maybe wouldn’t be so terrible but for two things. First, he keeps yelling “Shave my pits!,” and, second, when you agree to shave his armpits, the hair begins growing back at an increasingly fast rate. At the end of the game, you must choose whether you want to live and work in a room filled with armpit hair or abandon the store without getting your deposit back.
Golfing Pro Extreme 4: Caddy
There are many golf games out there, but this app blows the competition out of the water with its hyper-realistic experience of pro golf. Also, it cuts out the cumbersome part of having to hit the ball and get it in the hole, since you play as the caddy. Sometimes you will get the chance to give advice to players, but there’s no guarantee that they’ll take it. This game makes your phone weigh as much as a bag of golf clubs.
Is This an Anti-Gun Shooting Game? No
This shoot-’em-up app has been making headlines by being perhaps the first anti-gun shooting game, kind of, but not really. You enter a gunfight against the leaders of the N.R.A., and, like, maybe the terrible fallout might help them see that they’re out of their minds? But more likely would just make this horrible situation even worse? It’s very graphic, and you have to watch all of the cable-news coverage of what happened. Reviews in the App Store have called it “fundamentally misguided” and “awful.”
From the makers of Unpleasant Salon, Unpleasant Subway simulates riding on the subway.
This game allows you to play all the sports you’ve ever wanted to, simulating what would happen if you were doing so at the highest professional level—but in the physical condition you’re currently in. Tennis games are short and followed by a long stint in physical therapy to heal a pulled muscle in your back. A single football tackle will result in a month-long coma, which will cause your entire phone to freeze. And Olympic sprinting will make you into a viral sensation because you fainted from exhaustion after a seventy-five-metre run.